The Question of "How Are You?"

So I've been wondering, how I always tend to get questions of "How are you (doing)?" And I would always answer "I'm fine" or "OK, I guess". This got me thinking of how mundane this question has become to me.

How do I know if someone really want to or genuinely ask that question to me just to know of my well being. And even tougher for me to figure out is how do I answer them back? I've come to the point in life where I'll go; "Whatever happens to me, it'll happen" or "Shit happens" and just let my life run through without really knowing it like watching a movie and doze off, and then wake up to catch a scene and dose off.

I realised I have been under that condition for the longest of time, never really chase after the things I want, or never really living out my life, to the extent I don't really whether I'm doing fine or not.

Or, am I only thinking this too far, or it's just that the question of "How are you?" really has no meaning to it because even if you let out all the problems you're facing of how do you feel, how your day went, etc... the one listening might not be caring enough OR understanding your situation to know exactly how you feel and what you went through, and instead of ranting out to the person who asked, the only appropriate answer is just to say "Fine.", "OK" and pretend to yourself once more and going through life again?

Well, that's just a random thought.

Greetings from Subang (Intro Chapter to Subang Study Life)

It's coming to a month living and studying in Subang. One thing's for sure, I don't know what to do with my free time... not like back home when my life is ministry + work/school (Form 6). But here's it's like; "I wish I was back home to be distracted with work, especially the ministry". Yes, I'm missing the life back there, but somehow, I know I need to move one from that and also in life.

          So my fellow readers (whoever you may be especially those three people who followed me ;P) good news is that I get to have more time to write.

        Bad news, oh yes, there's a bad news... there will be alot of rants of being homesick and missing my friends back in Kuching. Of course, not all post will be about rants. Let's not keep this blog that way, if not, everyone who reads this will get upset and unfollow me. :X

      All in all, I'm glad to have moved from Kuching to Subang for my studies, as it is like a step forward in my life. I'll let God lead me (at least I'll try) to wherever He may lead.

ER2013 10th Year Anniversary Celebration

First of all, sorry for always being busy and unable to update myself like, even monthly. But then again, I'm writing for fun and I don't really know who's gonna read this. So yea, this post is mainly about my experience throughout this year's Easter Rally (ER) organised by my Parish Youth Ministry (Empowered Ministry). What made me write this post was due to the post ER video that I've just re-watched and thinking to myself, it doesn't do justice to let this go without saying anything so yea, and I don't wanna flood my FB wall, so since this place needed much update, I'll go with that.

At first, I seriously did not look forward to it. I mean, I've been to past ER's and I think that I've kind of have the idea of what's going on and all. And especially the fact that I'm serving as an assistant leader, it's kinda hard juggling my life around (although I'm having my break now). The few months before ER, I'm constantly bombarded with questions from my family members e.g. "Why come home so late?", "Why always go church?", "Why always not at home?" And it's also kind of tough because I was trying to settle with my application to my college at that time.

It wasn't going well for me emotionally because I know I should focus on my application but in the end I still decided to take up the challenge of what needs to be done for ER. For my part is the responsibility as an assistant leader for the Logistic and Technical team (LogTech for short) , the 10 things to do video in a worship concert rally, the global Rise Up dance video (spend at least 3-4 sleepless nights + red bulls to finish both the drafts of the videos), and lightings for the main hall and also the concert.

On the week of ER (possibly the most frustrating week ever) my drafts of the videos were not quite up to expectations and therefore redo with what I have. Juggling that with the proper setup for rehearsals and the setup for the outdoor concert. It was mentally and physically tiring. And of course, emotionally as well, but I kept everything inside, well most of it to myself but it was frustrating to see the things you worked half dead for being scraped off. But still, it WAS not up the my quality of work and I had no choice but to "right my wrongs".

ER finally came. Shrug off the feelings and tiredness. Happy to see my friends from Penang, felt bad I don't have alot of time to spend for them. Running around the centre like a madman, going up and down the stairs, setting up and down during changeovers. Second day was more hectic as we need to complete the setup at Amphitheater, so it was running around two venues, and also my car rammed into a wall (was left parking in first gear, but I didn't check because I wasn't the last one to drive it). Doing my best to not breakdown suddenly, ministering to others and their needs. Finished what needs to be done and all else doing it with the heart of humility. Knowing that what I'm doing is for the sake of drawing people towards Christ.

And now, looking back at what we've achieved, organizing one of the biggest worship concert in the country, drawing over 4000 crowds, having participants from all over Malaysia and also Brunei to join in our conference, it felt like I was meant to be there.

I can't imagine myself not being part of this year's ER. It has impacted me in ways that I didn't even know myself. Being able to learn new things, being a part of such a big event, and above all, learning about service to others through serving. I'm only able to go through this by His strength alone. If not I would have gave up long ago. I thank you all for those who went through this trial with me, Empowered Ministry who has been like my second family and also to God for giving me this opportunity to serve your people.

So here's the post ER video, enjoy it :) 

Living our own life

This post may just serve to be a food for thought kind of thing.

I had a great weekend at EWA13 (Empowered Weekend Away) , and I'm just sad that it ended soo quickly. Well, for me, when it comes towards the end of a great camp, I can't help but to notice that some people are very ' on the spot ' while some are just, the side people, to fill up the space and creates the atmosphere.

The feeling is just there, as if the song 'Creep' by Radiohead says it all. I can't help thinking, these group of people are soo much better than me and I really do look up to them. But I never get to be the one to shine and all. Maybe there are times when I do but it is soo shortlived, like after that, no one ever talks about it anymore and life just goes on.

The food for thought part for this rant is, did God plan our life to be like this? To be the 'side people' always giving support and only there when need be?? Didn't we have our own spotlights in our own life as in we're the main character of our own life?? If so, then what or when is it really my turn to shine in other people's point of view???

But my reasoning brain's answer is this: It is up to us to decide really. It's up to our effort. As in, to be rocking on stage and have your talents shine, it's up to you to take up guitar lessons and training yourself to be that good, or to be dancing in the middle of an estatic crowd because you had pushed youself to learn dance skills. And it is true to a certain point, and that's when.

And that little voice in my head says, "Be prepared with it when opportunity arises. You may not know when but it will come, like the coming of Christ and such, but it will come one day, and that time, just bask yourself in that spotlight."

Cheers~

I know it's kind of a little late, but I feel that 2013 is gonna be a great year. Am feeling good about what's gonna happen and I really feel that hopes and dreams will fill in the blanks of my life. Hopefully it really does come true.

If you've been following and reading my depressing posts last time, I had a dream to be a pilot. Of course, this wasn't really on my mind last time. If you'd asked me when I was in Form 3 (15 years old) , I would say I want to be either an Engineer or a Videographer. But my dad made me change my mind by allowing me to choose Aviation. So as of now, I have 2 achievement I would liked to fulfill.

Why I wanted to be a pilot was because of the travelling, mostly. I don't get to travel alot growing up and seriously, I've never been out of Malaysia. I'm like super excited to see the outside world. The other reason was I know I can't get tied down to a boring job and flying seems fun with the feeling of being free up in the sky. It may sound childish but yes, it is my reason no matter what.

So my first achievement is to become a pilot and work until I'm super rich (or enough for the rest of my life). As of lately, this dream is becoming more and more blurry as you all may know, getting a job as a pilot is not easy. But I'll follow my dad's advice which is to worry about the job when you've reached there. For now focus on applying through airlines and flying academy, which is what I've been doing (researching and stuff) for the past 2 months. I've recently applied for AirAsia's cadetship once more, hopefully I can pass their exams and be bonded with them after I finish the training there :)

Secondly, if all goes well with being a pilot, after getting all the money, I will setup a photography and videography studio. I fell in love with both photography and videography during my high school days, but I never get the chance to really polish my skills because, well... cameras are fucking expensive. But I know it is something that I can venture through if I've got the money and I have confidence with my perspective. So these 2 dreams are considered my long term life goals.

God please help me through this. But if He has a bigger and better picture for me, why not right? I'll just have to follow what He thinks it's best for me. Still , these are the things that I wanna do and hopefully, I will fulfill it :)

Started the New Year with a BANG, like literally....

Hey guys. It's 4a.m. in the morning and I couldn't sleep. So I decided to write about my recent accident, which I can get into a serious injury if not for the last millisecond reflexes. So I decided to just summarize the story from what I did before it happen.

One of my classmate invited me to watch Les Miserables with him. He decided to hang out with me because he said he never did. And so, he picked me up, went for a small dinner at Hui Sing hawker stall area and then to The Spring.

The movie started at around 10p.m. and the movie was 2 and a half hours long. No biggie, it was a nice movie, with actors whom I was surprised to see, singing. Literally, who knew Wolverine, Gladiator and Catwoman can sing? Lol. So after the movie, I was sent back home and I told my friend that after that, I had to go over to Pius' place to finish a video for the first Youth Gathering of the year that time.

And so, upon reaching home, I pack my bags, my PC and anything necessary. Moved the cars around and then drove off. I was in a rush (my bad) but I wasn't driving that fast (60-80 is not considered fast for me, sorry to say, but yea, it was around that speed) and at that time, it was drizzling and obviously the road was wet.

So I used my usual course to go to Pius' place and upon reaching the 3rd mile roundabout, I go straight into the underground tunnel. By that time, I feel something was off. I was at the left lane, and knowing that the underground tunnel road was bending to the left, I followed the road, trying to be at the left lane when suddenly, my car skid straight and into the right lane. I quickly tried to control the car back and manage to but then, it skidded again the second time, this time going to the left lane.

My instinct says I should hit the brake at that time and so I did, but the car skidded AGAIN, now to the right side and hit the divider (which made my front right tyre burst open) and I saw for that 5 seconds of my life, everything happened soo fast. I hit the yellow chinese sign with red chinese letterings (it is a small sign, but I bet that anyone who uses that road will know what I'm talking about), I was still at the divider and right in front of my, I can see the lamp post right in front of me and my car is still moving forward! At that moment, I turned my wheels to the left to at least avoid hitting the lamp post, but it hit the front right side of the car, which I really am thankful for because I might get a head on collision with the lamp post.

After hitting the lamp post, my car stopped, at the right lane of the road, at the part where it was about to come out from the tunnel. In my mind, I was like, "SHIT! I'm sooo (excuse my language) fucking screwed!" And worse still, when I reach for my phone in my pocket, I realised "I LEFT MY FRIGGIN PHONE AT HOME" while I was in the rush of putting all the things I need in the car!!

Thankfully, there was a motorcyclist who was very kind to me by lending me his phone and the first thing I did was calling my brother, because I did not want to disturb my parents because they had to go to work the next day but yea, in the end, they are the ones who came and help me.

Well, right after what happened, my parents called for a tow truck and I moved my things into their car and asked them to send me to Pius' place and finished the video that was needed. But I was feeling guilty and traumatized the whole day because the car can only be fixed by the end of the month and I'm suppose to use that car up for the coming EWA camp. Not only that, I felt guilty the entire day for my dad because it was his car that I crashed but thank God, money was covered by insurance.

So, after this incident, I realised that human life is VERY fragile and I'm lucky to get away from this accident without a scratch (but I did get a small bruise)

I promise to try to keep this blog alive after this, as who knows what interesting things will happen to me in the future :P till then, see ya!

Am I still here??? *Much needed updates*

*cough*cough*!!! Phew! It's soo dusty in here eyh? It's been a long time since I wrote or express my feeling in this special place of mine where only people who (must be REALLY REALLY bored) are really interested in my life.

             Well, where to begin? Let's see. As anyone might know, I'm in my last year of form 6. Currently undergoing the usual "public exam" stress. Surprisingly, even with the stress from school, I can't believe people around me still throws crap at me from relationships. Yes, they should really not do that since I'm at the point of breakdown (well, everyone else in the class seems so, except for the smartest guy in class *cough*Alex*cough*) and I really think of just get over with life sometimes....... nah, won't commit suicide that easily. But still, a lesson for everyone is that to never (and I say it again), NEVER throw crap at people who are coping with stress.

           Well, in order to cope with this, I kinda took abit of a habit, SMOKING. (don't judge me =.=) NOT REGULARLY... just, few times a month. Yes, it took alot of guts to confess it right here, where it is bound to be read by some people from school and starts spreading like wildfire. Well, I can't play games cos I will feel guilty after that instead of studying, and some people are commenting harshly on the fact that I played some games during the break, so I guess this was the only option. Unless you have a better way for me to try, don't bother lecturing me =.=

          And also, yes, my birthday is coming up. Not telling when, so check for yourself. And speaking of birthday, a song came into my mine... Mr.Curiosity - Jason Mraz. It relates alot because of the lyrics, well I'm looking for love, but no one seems available at the moment, or maybe I'm subconciously not ready. Oh well, fate will tell.

          So that's my well being so far. I really really wanna maintain this site so that I can continue to post up rants and all. Lately, relationship issues has been giving me the unnecessary stress, but more to that next time (that's if I'm not over it). Sorry for a boring post without pictures or moving pictures or naked pictures... Seeya next time!