Going back home to at least relax for a bit but... Hell went loose when I left.

*This is a rant post, so click away to avoid the messy drama in the life of mine.

          I have a few "words of wisdom" for people out there who are constantly judging people around themselves, especially their family, relatives and friends. Don't put an expectation on people as if they owe you a million dollars.

          For my last semester break, I took the one month off going back to my hometown, Kuching. It was nice being home, but some shit happened to my phone right before my flight. That's one. Because of that, just when I got into the car, I got a thousand of questions from my mum and then, an earful. That's two. Knowing that I'm back for at least a month, I decided to take a break before I kickstart with two of my assignments which I have to finish before I go back to KL. That's three. Being a Leader for a ministry is also eating up to my time, but I willingly give because that's the only way I feel I could give back to God, so that's four. Then, preparation for Chinese New Year wasn't an easy task to do especially when my mum nags me to finish all the chores on top of trying to finish my assignments and with two siblings who are pretty much doing nothing? That's five. 2 days of Chinese New Year and a farewell dinner at my friends house, and then with last minute looking for a luggage bag all by myself and by the end of it all, went back home and I got nagged because I didn't make the effort of going to see my grandparents? I DID, although it's not Chinese New Year but I did during my cousin's birthday celebration and you know what, that's not as important as Chinese New Year. That's fair. I mean, I did think about it, but I set my priorities wrongly. So I was wrong for that. That's six?

And by the end of it all, most of my time to do assignments are taken up by:- My phone issue, my friends who I should see and may never meet until they are getting married, my close friends from ministry who sometimes expect me to be there just because, the chores and shit I did at home, one of my assignments left with one incomplete one due to all these. And with some of my asshole relatives who always have big mouth to say things like "Granpa sick also didn't go and visit, someone got freedom can fly away already la?" and rub it in my face. Like hello? I've seen him twice and that's none of your concern. I did not spend 8.9k a semester just to fuck up with my time to not do assignments and it has already been taken away by my fucking chores. Who the fuck are you to even judge me when all you do is just work after SPM? I'm upgrading myself for a better future and you have the guts to say that to me?

Some people just doesn't want to grow up from a world of mobile games and pretending to be chao ah lien (chinese whores). They don'e even know how poisonous the words are coming out from their mouth and they expect you to return and do the things that they say? It's because of people like you I don't wanna go back. Now the thought of going back makes me think twice. But that's unimportant. Haters gonna hate. She don't understand the pressure I'm dealing with. She doesn't even know the pressure of a college student. All I did is juggle my time so that I can make the most out of it. And I can't please everyone, not even my family. So people, please think less of me. Don't put expectations on me. I'm a nobody, just doing my own fucking business. You don't like it, what does that got to do with me? It's your problem that you don't like it. Learn to like it.

The Seen And The Unseen.

*This is just a rant, and it has been bothering me lately, so just a food for thought for all of you, those who are always being seen, and those who are always in the shadows*        

           I always have this feeling of the world going on from where I am. It's like whatever I see with my eyes is really happening, and whatever that I don't see, can only be comfirm by word of mouth or the news. This bothered me sometimes about the things I do sometimes, and I don't get any witnesses around to see what I did, especially the good things. I know how we all talked about humility and being humble but do know this. God did not made each person to be mediocre. There has to be a limelight somewhere for each person. So I'm not wrong to say that people ARE MADE to be seen, acknowledged, and to be looked up to.

          I was having a discussion with someone the other day about life experiences and how it's different for everyone as everyone have different reactions towards things. My friend, who have been on stage, dancing, performing and had always been since our teenage years have NO PROBLEM with self-confidence of course and it shows in his way of conversations and the way he thinks as well. Me, on the other hand, had always have a problem with self-confidence. All through my life of hearing things like, "I don't think you can." , "Are you sure you can do this?" , "Your sister is just special." made me rethink of a life full of things I want to do but am afraid to because of criticism.

          Then, a thought came to my mind of how's the life of being the other person for once? Full of confidence, able to accomplish something and being praised, having people looked up to you and so on. How does it feel like? Will it make me feel excited because I have a certain set of skills I can do whenever I want to? Certainly. Will it make me happy to have people praising me for my efforts and skills? Definitely. But then, isn't that a life with more pressure already? But seriously though, I wouldn't mind switching for one day just to see how it feel like.

          I also thought of another thing. How do the people who are always basked in the limelight see the life of someone like me? Am I important to them? Some say yes. Do they envy the life that we live? Some agree because it's more relaxing. The question that comes next is "BUT WHY?." Seriously though... think about it. I think having a life where you're known to be good at something and being recognized for it is a good one. Are the unseen important to the seen? Well yes, because without the support of the unseen, they can never be seen. Without the unseen, there would be no one to be in awe of the seen. That's true to a point.

But deep down inside, sometimes I really wish I was seen. Not occasionally.

Being True to The Feels and Being Blessed With Friends.

          I told someone in choir the other day that men do have feelings too, and some chose to show it while most of us just hide behind our precious pride. It just show that I'm more human to feel things around, but to act on my feelings is another thing.
          

          There are times when things just go blatantly wrong and you question The One Above and yourself with the big letter "W". My story will be the Crazy Phone Story. It started with me getting a new phone, it's time to change as well and it's the first smartphone that I have. It's not so much as a "good" model considering it is in the "budget range" smartphone (I'm not that rich guys!) And so, there are ways to upgrade it through rooting (it's and Android phone), and seeing that it's not that smooth even though it's brand new, I decided to go through that.

          The feels start with the news that my Accountability Partner, Iain, is going to live in KL for 4 months for his internship for his Hotel Management diploma, and around the time I came back, it'll be a week gap before his day of flight. We couldn't really find time to hang out with each other so I only get to see him like for around 2 days, with the last day trying to fix my new phone after some rooting complications. His flight was at 7 in the morning last Saturday, and he manage to solve it by 4.10 in the morning. And I felt guilty because he's going to be tired the whole day, being afraid to sleep in the bus on the way to Bukit Bintang because he's a dead sleeper. But he did it for me, and I was quite happy and blessed to get a committed service, and free of charge.

          So that day, before his flight, one of our ministry elder, Ben, flew off to KK and with a connecting flight, flew to the Phillippines to further his studies in theology together with his wife and son, Sarah and Isaac at 6. Iain's flight was after theirs at 7. Then Edna's flight to KL at 9 to also further her studies in degree. It was a day of morning camping at the airport and full of emoness for everyone.

          Then 6 hours after that, the complication of my new rooted phone came back.... And when it happened, I died ALOT inside. The guilt, the feels. And right before mass. Imagine sitting through 10 hours doing the exact same thing for the phone and finally fixed it, then after that it came back, and it wasn't you who did all that but your close friend who will be super tired the next day knowing that but still helped you? And all you did was to bring back the problem? Super guilty ok...

          From this experience of mine, I can honestly say, the start of this year wasn't that great for me. Plus, I have to finish my assignments ASAP. My new phone is still dead, just figuring out how to solve it by myself. And I really thank Iain for his effort. It meant a lot to me. But I'm sorry for the trouble... really. HAHA. Blessed to have someone who cares about my gadgets for me.

So that is kind of the rough patch I'm going through now. Using a spare phone that doesn't support Whatsapp, so yea... life is.... sad... So till the next update of The Crazy Phone Story.

2014, be good to me.

Tis the season where people update blogs, knowing last year as if it was just yesterday....
Hello peeps! So glad to be writing this back in my hometown, in my room, comfortably laying down on my queen sized bed.

Anyways, a VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!. Don't even get me started on New Year's Resolution. The only resolution I know is HDR, or 1080, or 720 - HD (lame joke).

So, updates...

1. Semester break.

I've finished my first semester in SAE Institute for my Diploma, and I'm back in Kuching, Sarawak until Chinese New Year (eve on the 30th January). My class was supposed to start on the 27th, but because it's like only a few days away from CNY, I decided to skip the 3 days for a longer holiday. 

2. Holidays aren't really about holidays anymore.

When you've reached this stage, you'd know what I meant by that statement above. I have to finish 2 assignments while I'm back here and I have to send one of my assignment using the courier service because it's due date is 29th of January. Plus, I have to worry about my expenditure because I spent more than I have to due to the case of my new phone, a story to be revealed at a latter time.

3. My expectations back here and the things that are going to happen.

I'm so gonna be broke if I don't find a solution to end my wallet's hunger. The problem was that I still have to do my assignments while at it. EWA is coming and it cost RM100... dunno why it got sooo expensive in the recent years. And also my Accountability Partner, IB won't be around while I'm back here because he'll be leaving to KL for his internship this coming Saturday. Well, hope that I'll be back for ER.

4. My expectations this year as a college student.

More financial crisis, more assignments, more datelines, and I have a slight fear that my laptop will not stand it until the end of this year. But I really hope it will be ok. It still doesn't leave a good feeling in my stomach because I heard the programs that are going to be used after this are quite heavy on the laptop, and most of my seniors recommended MAC. But I really hope this one stays as long as it can.

So here's to another great year ahead! Hope many good things will happen this year! More opportunities to come! Although the truth is, I'm just nearing my death sentence but ain't nobody got time for dat!